Daring to Dream

I write as a very happy Cambridge United fan this morning! Last night saw us defeat league favourites, Luton Town, in their own back yard 1-0. I don't want to stroke the ego of Luton fans too much, but this could be considered a scalp for most teams in our division. Much to my dismay, I wasn't present to witness one of our finer moments in non-league. Me and my 2 month old Finley, who was proudly displaying his colours were nervously checking the score all night! By all the accounts I've heard, it wasn't a smash and grab job either. This was a deserved win and a great night for all U's fans lucky enough to be in attendance. Luckily, YouTube has allowed me to live the moment our very own Rory McAuley scored what would prove to be the decisive goal.

I may be getting carried away with the euphoria of a result such as the one from last night, but I've had a big shift in opinion regarding our manager, Jez George. Don't say it too loudly, but it might even be one of those rare occasions when I'm wrong. At the start of the season, I was adamant that the appointment of a man who had never managed a senior football team was not going to amount to any sort of success. I thought success in this league would be brought about by a non-league stalwart, someone who had a few battle scars from what is probably the toughest division in professional football to get promoted from. To be fair, I did also say that when these sort of appointments work, they REALLY work. I'm not going to completely retract my opinion that we need a non-league stalwart at the helm, but I'm very close to admitting I was completely in the wrong in saying we should not have appointed Jez George. There's a long way to go yet, but Jez seems to have laid the foundations for a season of relative success and at the same time changed my mind on what our football club needed to push forward.

The super U's are now undefeated in 8 and have won their last 3 games in a row, with 2 of those against opposition we're not expected to beat in Darlington and Luton. You don't go on a run like that with a couple of the top teams involved in your fixtures by fluke. A winning formula to getting out of this division doesn't always necessarily involve a big budget. If you look at the teams that have been promoted from recent seasons, the main ingredients are a younger, well organised squad who have some previous momentum. The likes of Accrington, Dagenham, Aldershot and Burton were all on an upward spiral when they got promoted, not a club in the doldrums looking to get back to former glories. They were all in the top tier of non-league football having come from further down the pyramid. Looking back over the winners of the division, it's extremely rare for a recently relegated side to win it. Without delving too deep into the stats, I can't find a single club that has been relegated into the Blue Square Premier then become champions at the first time of asking - can any statto confirm? The likes of Exeter and Torquay have gone back up through the play-offs after short spells in non-league, but other than them it's clubs who have risen through the divisions, done their time in the top tier of non-league and waited their turn. Apart from Crawley, there isn't anyone I begrudge their place in the Football League. Of course I'd rather it was Cambridge United than Torquay or Exeter after our two ill fated Wembley play-off final trips, but I'm doing my best to eradicate both those occasions from memory.

Looking at the teams that have gone on to the Football League and how Jez has gone about his business this season, it looks like we've followed suit. Throwing a £1million plus budget and signing big non-league names under Jimmy Quinn and Gary Brabin didn't do us any favours, we got close but the job wasn't complete. It's not doing the likes of Luton, Mansfield and York any favours either. The framework for success in this division is a united club all pushing in the same direction, who are hungry to play with a point to prove. The prize for succeeding is immense, for everyone involved in the club. My main fear with Jez at the helm was the lack of nous he'd have operating in this division. As much as you might despise him, Steve Evans knew all the tricks to make Crawley a horrible team to play against, then when armed with a budget like this level of football has never seen before, win the league at a canter. I thought we'd need much the same. It turns out a work ethic, not over complicating tactics and never resting on your laurels is the recipe and Jez is a master chef!

I'm not going to go changing what I think our club needs every time it starts going right or wrong, but I'm more than happy to say that being in a minority who were disappointed in the appointment of Jez, I couldn't of got it more wrong. He IS the man for us. Even if the season doesn't continue in the same vain, even if we do end up in mid-table mediocrity, the ingredients are there and Jez is the man to lead us forward. I am proud to say I'm a Cambridge United fan again. But U's fans, as I pointed out in my previous Jez related blog - DARE TO DREAM! We are over a quarter of the way into the season and sit 1 place outside the play-off places on the back of a magnificent run. We go to Southport on Saturday with the potential to end the day 1 point off top spot! I know we've had our fingers burnt before, I know Wembley hurt, but we're football fans, more importantly we're Cambridge United fans! This is what we do, we set ourselves up for a fall. It will make the successes all the more sweeter and the defeats all the more bitter. I'd rather be at each end of that spectrum than plodding along satisfied with finishing the season in 12th.

The Referee Is Right Even When He's Wrong

In a previous blog post I put my views forward on the Respect campaign in football, this was after a meeting I attended which detailed the appeal process for a red card as non existant. Basically, unless you have a Premier League level of coverage at your game, a red card will stand whatever the circumstances. In my teams second league game of the season, everything I feared would happen as a result of this stupid system, happened. I'd like to point out, this is not a "all referees are terrible"-esque post, I like to think I am objective enough to stand back and take all the facts in and leave the emotion of the game aside for a second. During the course of a game, I like to build up a dialogue with a referee. Sometimes it's possible, sometimes it isn't.

I'll start by running you through the events of our game yesterday. My team, Chesterton Legacy, had an away fixture at West End, the league and cup champions for the previous 2 seasons. The week previous they had beaten the team that finished 2nd, 5-4 after starting the game with only 8 players. West End have quality in abundance, for my team, Legacy, getting anything from the game would be an incredibly tall order. The game started tentatively, Legacy went ahead early on but were soon pegged back and the game stood at 1-1. At around 20 minutes in, our goalkeeper was faced with a through ball bouncing up at the edge of the area. He jumped to claim the ball and with this was deemed to move outside the area with the ball in his hands. The goalkeeper protested, then stupidly kicked the ball away and received a yellow card. This was all justified and we have no complaints from the referee in issuing the initial yellow card. The resulting free kick was then scored, making it 2-1 to West End. Obviously frustrated, the goalkeeper picked the ball out of the net and kicked it back to the centre circle while using an expletive - "fuck". This was not directed at anyone and as I'm sure you can imagine, a number of expletives had already been banded around the pitch that morning with wayward passes and mistimed tackles - not uncommon at the level I play at. Not to mention a West End players frustration at a late tackle, screaming "cunt" at the player in question under the nose of the referee.

With the kick of the ball and the use of the word "fuck", the referee has issued a second yellow card to the goalkeeper and sent him off. At this point, I tried to start a dialogue with the referee (in a calm and constructive manner considering the circumstances) and was greeted with "Go away player". I was trying to ask the referee whether he was going to book everyone who swore and if we would see some consistency. The apparent answer, was no. In fairness to my team, while there was some protesting considering the usual swarm of abuse a referees usually get in this situation, more used it and channelled the frustration at such a ridiculous decision into their football. Massive credit must go to the Chesterton Legacy team for this, I've not seen many Sunday morning teams met with such injustice and not use more aggression towards an official.

Obviously this is what the Respect campaign is all about and I fully endorse everything it's trying to promote on the field of play, but my argument has always been that Respect has to work both ways. A referee needs to enter into dialogue with players (or at least the captain), explain his decisions, be consistent throughout and hold his hands up when he is wrong. On the same token, players must respect decisions, even when wrong. I feel our team did this impeccably yesterday. But the system of not being able to appeal a red card is only going to create bad referees. If they cannot be wrong, if they aren't allowed to have objective and constructive criticism of decisions, personal vendettas and blinkered decisions are going to prevail.

An example of the consistency I'm looking for can also fall out of the match we had yesterday. West End won a corner, one of the West End players met the corner with a header and hit the post. When the ball went out of play after this, the West End player punched the floor and screamed "You fucking cunt" right next to the referee. I personally take no issue with this, but as I'd seen my goalkeeper sent off for the same offence I then asked the referee if this was worthy of being booked. His reply was "No, it's different". I asked how and he said "Your goalkeeper was aggressive". I then said "I don't want to drag this out, but if someone screaming 'Fucking cunt' and hitting the floor isn't aggressive, I don't know what is". He looked at me and raised his eye brows, at this point I knew it was pointless following it up, as it probably was me even asking the question in the first place. How is there not something personal in the decision from the referee when this is how he explains himself? After the sending off, even members of the other team were saying how harsh it was. How often do you see both teams agreeing about a harsh decision in Sunday football? It's not usually the beacon of sportsmanship, so when teams can both agree on something it's usually a pretty big indication the referee is in the wrong.

I hate to sound like a basher of referees, some of them are brilliant even at my level of football. They are happy to have banter with the players, explain decisions and build up a good rapport. But M. Rayner who was our referee yesterday morning, has ruined a Sunday morning for someone, cost them a hefty fine and made what was already a big ask of our team a monumental ask.

As it turns out, a spirited and courageous performance from our 10 players earned us a 4-4 draw, the first point we have ever gained against West End. But unfortunately, despite what is probably one of our greatest performances and results against all the odds, the elation of this is marred by some outrageous refereeing. We were all gutted for our goalkeeper and now lose him for a period as he'll be banned. If anyone in the Tucker Gardner Alliance League in Cambridge happens to have M. Rayner as their referee, I'd be interested to hear their views - good or bad. But until a system is in place whereby a referee can be held accountable for their decisions and not just a player for their actions, I fear this will be common place in our game at the grass roots level.

All the Single Ladies

In this entry to my blog, I'm going to talk about some single ladies who are looking for a man, the people I'm talking about will remain anonymous. The reason for this is if they were to find out I'm a blogger and then look at my blog - they would consider me a tosser rather than a blogger! I'm not necessarily going to be insulting them, more document my observations and see how it applies to the wider population of singletons. But I'm pretty sure if you were the subject of this blog you'd take it as an insult. Anyway, that's me getting myself out of hot water should it ever come down to it, so here we go...

Single women, are you all completely mental, man hungry, obsessive, clingy, self-destructing head cases? Or is it just the ones I've come across (no pun intended)? Are you bringing misery and pain upon yourselves on purpose? From where I'm standing, it looks that way! In my every day life I have to deal with a few ladies who I think fit the description just given, they are single and their life is engrossed by the fact they don't have a man. They dedicate their entire being to eradicating themselves of this horrible existence as there is no possible way you can be happy without a man by your side. Any man who dares send some attention their way, be warned: your every SMS, movement, interaction with the opposite sex is going to be scrutinised to high heaven. You're on a hiding to nothing, expectations are far too high and they are setting themselves up for a fall every time.

Take single lady number 1 as an example, we'll call her Gina. Gina is pretty, if a little on the plump side, goes out at the weekend and on the outside appears to be a happy (aren't happy fat people described as bubbly?) and confident person. But listening to a few minutes of her pouring her heart out after yet another 5 minute relationship she has thrown herself in at the deep end for, she's an emotional mess. Her life might as well be over and men are absolute pigs. Despite being in a relationship and having been honourable for the entirety of said relationship, I was tarred with the same brush purely for having a penis. It's a horrendous cycle of meet man, think he's amazing, build up your expectations, expectations don't get met and it all ends in tears. As soon as the claws of Gina are in any man, she moves into self-destruct mode. She's reading the texts on his phone, wanting to know where he is all the time and getting worried when he doesn't answer calls. I've had to endure ridiculous conversations which even your average agony aunt wouldn't know where to start with. I read his texts and he had text another girl, he went out instead of coming to see me, we've split up after going out for a week... CHILL THE FUCK OUT! If I was still playing the game - and believe me I've played it - I'd be out of there quicker than she's probably dropping her knickers to try and get this hiding to nothing relationship to last 5 minutes longer. All for the sake of dropping the dreaded single tag, most of these girls are getting into a relationship because they can, not because they want to. Which brings us onto lady number 2...

We'll call this one Chantelle. Chantelle in my opinion isn't an oil painting, without wanting to be harsh I'd put her in the "5 pinter" category. Even in my single days it would have taken a considerable bet for me to consider going there and I'm infamous for not being overly fussy in my past. If in Family Fortunes style a hundred people had been asked to name her best feature, let's just say none of them would have said her face. Everyone knows a Chantelle I'm sure. Without wanting to slate her further (I'm sure you get the picture), Chantelle has recently had reason to celebrate by acquiring relationship status. Hurrah! The shackles of being single are off and she finally has a man. It was a long slog and was never going to be easy, but she got there in the end. She talks about her man often and I think has convinced herself this is going to be a long term thing, all good stuff. I'm genuinely happy for Chantelle, not only because I don't have to hear her constant whining about being single, but it's not often you look like that and find anyone who stays beyond the first night. So is it a happy ever after? No, in a word. I found out today that she doesn't find her new man attractive but does think he's nice. Classic Chantelle, she's found someone who didn't chew their arm off to get away unnoticed after the first night and has thought "this will do". Anyone who ever thinks this in a relationship, get out of there. You're wasting your time. I've been there, thought things were alright, nothing special but can't complain. It never ends happily - or if it never ends you're throwing your life away with someone just to avoid being single. This is where I can't work out why you wouldn't be happier not in a relationship, it was a mediocre relationship with no spark that brought about my attitude of not settling for just anyone. I wasn't going to give up my single status unless it was worth it, nor should anyone else. It's a complete waste. I'd wager now that this will last a few months tops.

Single ladies, please use the previous paragraph to your advantage. You're not going to find the man who will whisk you off your feet, put a ring on your finger and give you babies by looking for him. As stupid as it sounds, stop looking! I'm no dating guru and was hardly a playa in my time (my previous reference to having played the game was a joke by the way), but if I can offer you one bit of advice that I'm certain will be of use - just don't look for that man. I'm a firm believer that there's someone out there for everyone, if they don't turn up tomorrow, next week or even next year, they're there somewhere. Enjoy dating and get out there and meet people by all means, use the dating sites and join clubs so you can meet new people, this will obviously increase your chances of finding someone compatible. But let them find you! Don't pin your hopes on any sap stupid enough to find himself in your claws.

I think somewhere along the line the status of "single" has almost become an insult, people don't know how to be happy on their own anymore. It's impossible in the eyes of some. I've seen Jeremy Kyle hand this advice out on a daily basis and couldn't agree more - you're not going to be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself. Where has this need from single people to get into relationships come from? Has it always been this way? Everyone just make sure you're happy, please just be happy so I don't have to put up with the lonely hearts club meeting on a regular basis!

Seven Dwarves - Hi Ho Hi Ho

A couple of weeks ago the Channel 4 standard "we'll pretend we're doing a documentry to highlight the plight of *insert disadvantaged group here* but actually we're just putting on a bit of a freak show" programme came to town in the form of Seven Dwarves. It's in a similar vain to My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, more giving people a look at a world they are fascinated with but would never get to see otherwise. As ever, it is advertised as an insightful documentry in which you get to follow the lives of seven dwarfs (where did they come up with the name to the show?) who are part of the Snow White panto in Woking. They all live in a house for the panto season and over the series of 7 shows we get to find out more about each of the little people. Again, you can really see the compassion Channel 4 have for these guys, putting them in a Big Brother style house with their drunken antics and frolicking recorded.

For the record, I have absolutely zero issue with this freak show. As long as the guys aren't being exploited in any way their naivity to this isn't our problem! I'm sure they are being well compensated. People have a fascination with dwarfs, they can't go around town and do daily tasks without staring and ridicule. It fascinates me how they go about their daily lives and watching them move and talk, not to the extent that I would follow them around town but it makes for fantastic television. What I do have an issue with, is Channel 4 pretending it's some sort of dwarf supporting organisation! The opening credits to the show sum it up, it's got the little guys with their funny run going up the stairs, one of the dwarfs in a nightclub doing a bit of dry humping with an average size lady and his girlfriend sticking her minuscule middle finger up at him screeching "faaark orrrf!". To pretend this was made for anything but the comedy factor and to dress it up as sympathetic to their issues is just plain wrong. Why not just get them dressed up as Oompa Loompas and paint them orange? Oh wait, they did that in episode one with Josh...

Twitter participation is fully encouraged with the Seven Dwarves hashtag (#sevendwarves) shown at every opportunity, I followed a lot of the discussion on last nights show which followed Britain's only dwarf drag queen, Jamie John. Strangely enough, Jamie enlightened us that work is hard to come by for a drag queen dwarf in Norfolk where he lives. Competition too stiff? A majority of the comments were very supportive, complimentary and full of praise for the dwarfs. There was the odd joke, my favourite being "hey look he's got an iPad... oh wait it's an iPhone". A few of them have Twitter accounts and were lapping all this up, going through their tweets they are no different to your average, fame hungry Big Brother applicant. They all seem to want to use their unique height as a way into showbiz and shamelessly so. Fair play I say, if it gets you ahead of the game and you're prepared to take the stick that comes with it then chase the dream!

I can't help but think they are quite naive though, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, they seem to think it's their talent that's getting them where they are not the fascination with their size. Jamie, the drag queen who was on last night, told of his yearning to work in the west end in London. The end of the show informed us he had managed to get a residence at a club in Stoke. His voice as showcased at the holiday park he worked in before securing the gig in Stoke really proved it's all about the dwarf factor, he was distinctly average to put it kindly. Secondly, they don't seem to be able to distinguish between being made fun of and compliments. A number of the tweets they were retweeting were obviously a piss take. A typical example was to the little lady Laura, who retweeted a number of tweets with content such as "my mate @joebloggs thinks you're really fit can you RT? lol". No disrespect to these guys, but unless it's some sort of weird fetish, you aren't very fanciable. You have weird shaped faces and are 4ft tall!

Anyway, if you need me on a Tuesday night for the next few weeks at 9pm - you'll find me on the sofa! I'm loving every minute so far and the relationship between Max and Karen is a particular highlight. Also I can't help but think a gay dwarf who has gone into drag Jamie has missed a trick by not taking up porn, surely the possibilities there would have been endless. Max, Karen, Craig,  Ryan, Jamie, Josh and Laura - keep up the good work guys. I hope it all ends well for you all. Just don't kid yourselves into thinking Channel 4 have got your back! Laura in particular wasn't pleased at Channel 4 zooming in on her thong last night.

Just for good measure - an old dwarf joke:

A woman is driving down a street and accidentally drives into the back of another car. The car isn't in a good way and out steps a dwarf. "I am not happy!" says the dwarf. "Which one are you then?" replies the woman.

Bah dum tsch.

Respect Should Be Earnt

Being the manager of the Sunday football team I play for, I'm responsible for most of the thankless tasks that mean the lads just have to turn up and play. One of the more luxurious jobs include attending meetings called by the league committee. I attended such a meeting last week to see our cup draw and receive some updates ahead of the 2011/12 season. Attendance by someone from each club is mandatory, it is a well run Charter Standard league and (fairly) they expect a lot from their member clubs in terms of admin and compliance with their rules. Part of the meeting was an update on the Respect campaign, including a new appeal process for red cards and a change from term based suspensions to match based. The Respect campaign has been in place for a couple of seasons now aimed at all levels of the game, right from the Premier League players we see on TV who are meant to be providing a good example down to our grassroots players who should be following the example. If you've been in and around football, you're sure to have seen something to do with Respect. It is aimed at creating a safer environment for the referee to do his job and make the game more fair and enjoyable. The rest of the meeting was fairly routine, but the guest from the FA who had come along to update on Respect caused quite a stir. His 10 minute update turned into over an hour long dicsussion!

My experience of the campaign so far at a grassroots level suggests it is not a 2 way thing - which it should be. How can you respect someone who talks down to you, abuses their position of power and clearly uses a Sunday morning to earn themselves an extra £20 and let off some steam rather than for love of the game? I'm not describing every referee nor even a majority of them, but I'm sure your average Sunday footballer hasn't managed a season without at least one power hungry, jobsworth referee. Rather than creating a more fair and enjoyable environment, the campaign is actually turning the relationship between referee and player into more of a schoolmaster and naughty pupil type affair. Referee's are hiding behind the Respect campaign and rather than actually gaining any respect, they are alienating themselves. They don't have to be good at what they do to earn respect, according to this new directive they simply have to turn up. The fact that they are the man in black is enough according to the FA.

The Football Association have somehow seen having a power hungry referee as a good thing and have put rules in place that mean an appeal to a red card is all but impossible. There was outrage at this in the meeting I attended, with secretaries of some clubs saying the lack of an appeal process in previous seasons could potentially have killed their clubs. Fines were incurred incorrectly and were overturned after appeal, the new rule says you can now only appeal with video evidence. How on earth are the Sunday teams ever going to have footage in order to combat a decision?! If as I have experienced on numerous occasions, a referee turns up looking to use their small amount of power with the Respect campaign fully backing them, winds a player up and sends them off for a non football related offence, the referee is impossible to prove as incorrect. Players are by no means blameless a majority of the time, but there is going to be no distinction between a power crazy referee over exerting authority and a genuine case of dissent. The referee is NEVER wrong under this new system.

With all the furore of this being announced, a committee member from the league then mentioned that Cambridge City, who are of a level where games are filmed, tried to use video evidence in the appeal process. The footage was not sufficiently detailed enough or filmed at an angle in which an appeal was possible. If Cambridge City who play in a stadium at a semi professional level can't do it, what hope do the clubs with a village green or local recreation ground who have to pay to play have? Someone quoted human rights as being infringed with this rule, I don't know much about my human rights but it doesn't seem a million miles off the mark. How can an organisation put a procedure in place that has no way of appeal?! I guess it's lucky the guys playing at the grassroots level of our game are mostly looking to play football and aren't on the salaries of those higher up the ladder, I think this rule might have had more weight behind being contested otherwise.

There are a fair share of good ref's out there, but I've definitely come across the sort of ref we don't need and the FA rules are only serving to create more of these. A bad ref will antagonise, not communicate and create hostility between himself and the players. How can respect only work one way? If a referee can never be wrong, only the ones overseeing our games with poor attitudes who don't deserve respect are going to prosper. The decent referees who don't mind talking, banter and explaining their decisions are going to come across players and teams who feel aggrieved by a ridiculous system that only serves to punish the bad and not promote the good. This is completely the wrong way round. I do wonder what is being said about the Respect campaign in any meetings a referee has to attend, I'd love to be a fly on the wall.

I think I might become a referee, they seem to have become the darling of the Football Association over our young players and coaches in recent years!

Showboating 2

It's not been long since I visited the subject of showboating in football, but within a matter of a week I've felt the need to re-visit it. The reason - a certain attempted backheel by Manchester City protege Mario Balotelli. Here's what all the fuss is about:

I know it didn't go in and he looks like a complete plonker, but what if he'd scored? Let's imagine for a second the back heel cleverly slotted past the LA Galaxy keeper. I doubt Mancini would have taken him off had he put them 2-0 up. The boy would have been labelled a maverick, yes he's a nightmare to manage but with flashes of brilliance that other players wouldn't dare attempt, it would be crazy of Mancini to restrict this talent. It's not like it was in the Champions League final either, it was on a lucrative pre-season tour of the USA, which is more an exhibition match than anything else. I made the argument for Awana Diab and his penalty that because he scored any flack he received is irrelevant. I'm more than aware this was quite embarrassing for Mario but if we don't have players trying this sort of thing then it will completely disappear from our "beautiful" game.

I can't help but admire the balls of someone who is through on goal, almost certain to score should he sidefoot the ball into a corner, who instead chooses to pirouette and try a fancy back heel. Great stuff! An argument could be had that he's not taking his profession seriously, but I'd sooner pay to see a Mario Balotelli than I would a grafter of a centre forward who finds the net with a simple shot at goal. Had it been my team in a game of importance, this would be the source of massive frustration and I'd be sure to throw a few expletives towards my player, but not in an exhibition match! There is a player for my team, Cambridge United, who looks like he might carry the swagger to pull this sort of thing off. Right from his debut for the super U's, Adam Marriott has carried himself around the pitch with a great air of arrogance. Some don't like it as he doesn't appear to graft as much as other players, but I'd rather have a player who isn't busting a gut for 90 minutes who can show a flash of brilliance and win you a game. I think my attitude is the opposite of most English fans in this instance, where for the most part they'd rather see a Bryan Robson, Terry Butcher, Stuart Pearce type player who fears nothing. Adam is a skillful, diminutive striker and he scores great goals. I think carrying a certain air of arrogance is a good quality for a striker, almost turning your nose up at the fact you have to share the pitch with other players. It breeds confidence and composure, two vital ingredients in the make up of a top class striker. Cantona had it, Berbatov has certainly got it and so has Drogba.

Balotelli has earnt the right to a certain amount of arrogance, he's 20 years old and has won 3 Italian titles and also the Champions League. It's not like he has broke through and needs to prove himself, he is without doubt a world class striker and Mancini knew what he was getting himself in for, so it seems strange that he would haul him off. We need to let our gifted players put on a show, maybe the pressure from owners at clubs for success is what is causing our managers to want to stamp out such 'behavior'. If we don't let our flair players flourish, we'll be watching 2 teams of tactical robots carry out set instructions. Who wants to pay to see that?

Promotion - Are U's Sure?

This post presumes you're fluent in the language and recent history of Cambridge United, if you're not, most of this probably isn't going to make much sense. I'll start...

Pre-season for my beloved super U's is well under way. The first 3 friendlies have been and gone, nearly all of the "dead wood" has been stripped from the squad and Jez George has put together a squad that might surprise a few people this season. I've been trying to work out how well I think we'll do, it's always hard looking from within your own club to figure this out. To try and get a yardstick of how far we've come since Ling *shudder*, I've been keeping a close eye on @nonleagueshow on Twitter. Over the last couple of days fans from various non-league clubs have been listing their predictions for promotion from the Blue Square Bet Premier this season. Cambridge United have not appeared once. The relegated sides Lincoln and Stockport feature heavily, with most others going for Luton and Fleetwood. Honourable mentions go to Darlington who are deemed to be considered contenders.

I don't think the predictions are going to be a million miles away, but I can't help thinking the lack of any predictions for the super U's is down to our choice of manager and the attitude of our own fans. We won't dare to dream, we've been hurt too many times in the past to put our necks on the line and set ourselves up for disappointment. We've become content with not being near the relegation zone. I'm slowly coming round to the idea of Jez as manager, but I'm going to reserve judgement until I see how we perform in the league. Personally, I can't help but think we've made a huge mistake. Looking from outside the club you'd definitely think we've taken the cheap option - which we have. Probably more through necessity than choice. Our lack of predictions can't be down to our signings, we've brought in plenty of young, talented and hungry players who have been the recipe for success for a lot of teams who have got out of this division. It can't be down to our fan base, despite spending most of the season languishing near the bottom of the table we had the 5th highest average attendance in the league in 2010-11. Other clubs must have heard "budget cut" from the Abbey and seen a man at the helm who has never been in charge of a senior team and made their minds up. We need a few more of our own fans talking up our chances, you don't see Luton, Fleetwood or Darlington fans saying "we're getting ahead of ourselves here, let's settle for mid table".

Just a quick note on the average attendance at the Abbey that I found during some research, here's the average gate and how that compares to the rest of the Blue Square Bet Premier since we started in this tripe division in 05/06:

• 2005/06 - 4th highest with 2606
• 2006/07 - 4th highest with 2815
• 2007/08 - 3rd highest with 3551
• 2008/09 - 2nd highest with 3570
• 2009/10 - 5th highest with 3077
• 2010/11 - 5th highest with 2557

I think the recession coupled with the football Ling served up is an explanation for our lowest average since we were relegated, but I think this further emphasises despite what our club has been through, we are a big club for this division and always will be. Despite most U's thinking the contrary, I believe we should never settle for consolidating.

At the time Martin Ling was dismissed, Jez was the obvious choice to steady the ship and keep things ticking over, he stopped the rot that had set in under Ling and stopped us from being relegated. At that point, for me he should of gone back under the radar and carried on his terrific work churning through the youth products to feed the first team with. He himself said this was what he wanted to happen, but I always got the feeling there was a small part of him that wanted a crack at managing at this level. He'll probably never get the opportunity again, so why shouldn't he? All the signs so far suggest it's not going to be a complete disaster, but the real test will come when we lose a couple of games. Will Jez be able to transfer his skills mentoring our youth products who have had no emphasis on getting results to a competitive side who are all about getting 3 points? It represents a massive gamble, one I don't think the club could afford to take.

There was a name available that stood out time and time again, throughout the whole back end of last season while Jez was keeping us in the division, I had my fingers crossed he was just keeping the seat warm for Tommy Widdrington. He ticked every single box for what this club needs at this time. He has brought a club on a limited budget into the Blue Square Premier so is experienced at this level and below. He not only kept Salisbury there but had them punching well above their weight. He worked on the smallest full-time budget in English football and if it wasn't for a points deduction, would have finished 6th with Salisbury. He was interested in the job, he declared that he would love to take the reigns and had a vital ingrediant for our Director of Football (Jez) - hunger! He publicly declared so in the Cambridge News:

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Sport/Cambridge-United/Tommy-is-interested-in-Us-job.htm

When this calibre of manager is available, why on earth do you pass up the opportunity? I've kept up with his whereabouts via his Twitter @TommyWidd and told him I thought he was the man for the Abbey, he sent me a message:

"Cheers Dan, I was/am keen and I too believe I would've "had the tools" to take Cambridge forward. Never say never!"

Tommy is still without a role at a football club since his departure as Southend assistant manager. This leaves me even more despondent that we've 'ended up' with Jez. As much as I admire the man for his work ethic, knowledge and willingness to work within our constraints, he's not a proven manager at the top level of non-league or even in senior football. I thought the club would of learnt from the Martin Ling fiasco that what we are crying out for is someone who has been there and done it in this division, someone who has got the best out of limited resources. I think the cost of bringing in a decent calibre manager would far outweigh the cons of the gamble we've taken. Whatever good vibes are going round the club at the moment emanating from Jez, whatever way you look at it, putting Jez at the helm is a gamble. This might be dramatic, but if it goes wrong it could be the end of the club. Any managerial appointment is a gamble, everyone was over the moon we'd manage to secure the services of Ling for example, but you can reduce that risk by bringing in someone who has done it at this level in similar circumstances.

I can't stress enough how much I want this to work and this sort of appointment when it works, seems to really work. Where Jez has got lucky is, if we finish mid-table and don't get too close to the relegation zone any time this season, everyone is going to be happy and he'll have done a "fantastic" job. This is more about the apathy that has set in within our fan base more than anything else. I'd like us to start aiming a little higher, balls to consolidation, balls to avoiding relegation, let's hear something positive from this club again who have been in the doldrums far too long. Let's galvanize, raise the bar and say we're aiming for the play-offs. When we were competing in the play-offs may have been while we were on an inflated playing budget, but teams on smaller budgets have done it, teams without the backing the Abbey's got have done it and League 2 is littered with tinpot teams such as Burton and Macclesfield now. We CAN get there!

We're the longest serving Blue Square Bet Premier side and we've never had an attendance average in a season outside the top 5. I realise attendances aren't directly linked to league placing and we have the noose of rent for the Abbey around our necks, but if we can provide a top half budget, slightly punch above our weight, we're in the play-offs! It sounds easy, but why can't we dream a little? Why on earth are we settling for mid-table abyss? It's a horrible attitude that lurks around this club now, we're not demanding success, we're settling and pushing out the same old excuses for ourselves.

Come on Jez, let's hear some fighting talk! Get us off to a good start, instill some confidence into what is definitely a young and talented squad, then we can go to places like Luton where we've previously accepted defeat before turning up and let's give them a game. Let's play without fear. Prove me wrong please, get me through my massive feeling of being underwhelmed at your appointment and let's surprise a few people. Let's see some of those people predicting Luton, Stockport and Lincoln saying it's our turn.

In Jez We Trust.

Showboating

Please watch the following video, it is a player who goes by the name of Awana Diab playing for United Arab Emirates against Lebanon. He takes this penalty while his team is cruising at 6-2 up in the 78th minute:

If I was to tell you that Awana Diab is in a bit of hot water over how he took his penalty, what would you think? Personally, I don't think think there is enough of this sort of thing in football and am pretty disgusted at the outcry over it. There's widespread condemning of the 'incident' (I use the word loosely) over how much disrespect Awana Diab has shown to his opponents Lebanon. His coach, Srecko Katanec, who had brought him on 3 minutes before the penalty was taken, immediately substituted him afterwards.

"This penalty, I didn't like it. We must respect players from other teams. In future you don't know what football will give you back," Katanec said after the game.

"He's a young guy and he knew he made a mistake immediately. I just want him to show respect, not just on the field but off it as well."

Strong words from the coach of UAE. How exactly is Awana showing disrespect? What other opportunity do players have within the game to showcase the side of their game that is a spectacle. If you can't do it at 6-2 up, when can you do it? I think everything we are currently trying to encourage in our young players is epitomised in this penalty. He was composed under pressure, showed amazing technique and most importantly, scored a goal in the process. Aren't we trying to encourage our kids all of the above? Rather than lumping it out of play, try a neat pass or trick? Aren't we looking to take away the pressure they are under and encourage skill and finesse over power and strength?

It gets worse, a Lebanese team official saw red after a furious reaction to the penalty. If you can't stand back and applaud when someone has shown a flash of brilliance at the highest level of the game, go and get involved with tiddlywinks or somewhere else where they are looking to drain out any sign of showboating. Why do you think scantily clad women parade around a boxing ring during a fight? Why do you think the 20-20 format is so popular in cricket now? Why does Premier League Darts have sell out crowds full of enthusiastic punters? Because of the showmanship involved! Why do we admire the Zidane's, Di Canio's and Cantona's of this world? Were these great names showing a disrespect every time they turned someone inside out or chipped a hapless keeper standing 20 yards off their line? Of course not, so what's the fuss about here?

Here's to Awana Diab and all those like him, the day we run out of Awana Diab's is the day our game will die.

Euromillions

I've been reading today about the couple who won the £161 million on the Euromillions and the standard "what would you do with it" thoughts cropped up. Both of the winners haven't worked for a few years because of "health issues". Convenient that, they haven't been able to work for a while but they can afford a few lines on the Euromillions (he'd got to his 5th line before realising they matched all the numbers) and plan to jet off to the Great Wall of China and art galleries around the world. One of them worked as a camera man and the other as a psychiatric nurse, I'm pretty sure both of those occupations would be less strenuous physical work than walking around these galleries the the Great Wall of China? Maybe there's something I'm missing. It always goes to those most deserving...

Anyway, that's the bitter side of me done, onto the more fun stuff and my plans should I come into hundreds of millions of English sterling anytime soon! Firstly, all this "it wouldn't change me" - bollocks. I would become one massive arse. Everyone would be below me and lucky to be in the same room as me, if I'm feeling generous I might let you get on all fours for me to put my feet up on! I'd want to walk into a room and for everyone to sense the power and wealth as soon as I entered, I'd want a certain air of importance to surround me. Don't like it? Get out, this room is now my room. Think I'm arrogant? Here's £1000, go take a running jump, face first into the nearest brick wall while I film it on my phone. I'd want to be surrounded by complete suck ups and people only there for my money. I know who my real mates are now and that wouldn't change, so I'd just use anyone who tried to latch on for my own amusement.

All my mates would be sorted out of course, I'd build a huge estate with houses and apartments. I'd have the largest at the centre of the estate and my friends would all be dotted around. It would come with all the mod cons, we'd have water slides as the method of transport to get to each others houses, a Segway racing course, Steve McLaren would be dressed up in a clown suit wandering around (for that England v Croatia game) and topless waitresses on roller skates would always be ready with a cold drink. That's just the beginning, now the ideas have started flowing, it's made me realise how boring the people with this sort of money are. Why the fudge are the billionaires of this world not just having the craziest parties, with the best hookers, drugs and alcohol money can buy? I've never touched drugs, but why the hell wouldn't you if you could just live the rest of your life on one massive high? I can see why Sean Kingston wanted to be a billionaire so frickin' bad, he's probably had a small taste of the lifestyle and wants more. Charlie Sheen would be my best mate and I'd just follow his lead, we would definitely be #winning.

As ever, I digress. Onto the car, obviously one of the first purchases when you come into money has to be a car. I can't look any further than an Aston Martin DB9. I'm not a big car expert, so I can't go into stats about horse power or how quickly it does 0 - 60, but just look at it:

James Bond had an Aston Martin, it's British and Pamela Anderson would probably pushing her knockers in my face faster than a cat can lick its arse. I could probably pick 100 women I'd want to be doing that more than Pamela, but she's just the most iconic wannabe girlfriend of the last 20 or so years. So it would be more for status than anything.

What could I do in order to give myself a reason to get out of bed every morning? Easy, take over the super U's aka Cambridge United! They are short of a bob or two at the moment, knocking back budgets and generally struggling in non-league. That would soon all change with my input, for starters the Danny Smith Stadium would be built as part of the aforementioned estate above. I'd float around taking a pretty keen interest, maybe get involved with training every now and then. I'd bankroll a successful team and be held aloft by the hoards of U's fans each season as we storm through the leagues. There would be a concert at the end of each season within the stadium consisting of all my favourite bands.

How about holidays in between? I wouldn't be on any of those cruises or anything all inclusive, I'd want to see every possible extreme available in the world. I'd want to go and visit the most remote tribe who have no attachment to civilisation as we know it, but also to stay in some of the more metropolitan cities. I'd love to see real areas of povery out of curiosity more than anything, I'd love to go and stay in the most authentic part of each continent. I'd spend my time taking in as many cultures, sights, sounds and smells as physically possible. Making sure I was going back to a plush hotel at the end of the evening of course, probably by helicopter. I think I could happily travel for years, then come back to settle back into the parties with Charlie Sheen.

Me and everyone around me would have such a good time should I ever come into money, so if there's anyone up there with a bit of power or just a billionaire well wisher that really wants to see their money enjoyed, get in touch. I could document it and make the best TV programme ever made, so it wouldn't be a complete waste. I'll be buying my lottery ticket again next week if I remember, hold me to this should the dream become a reality!

Harry Potter

There is no doubt that the Harry Potter series is one of the greatest pieces of fictional writing we'll probably see in our lifetime, it is immensely popular (biggest understatement ever?) and has captured an audience from primary school kids, through to moody teenagers, right up to mums and grans. It has a widespread appeal like nothing I've seen before and everyone I know who likes it, really likes it. They have all the books, they want to dress up as Gandalf, go and see the midnight viewing when it comes out at the cinema and have 3 copies of each of the DVDs. It's worse than how I was as a teenager supporting Cambridge United, using the word obsession wouldn't be doing it justice.

I've never (drinking game anyone?) read any of the books or gone out of my way to watch any of the films. I did briefly start to read one of the books at school because a girl I fancied was a Hazza geek (it didn't work), but that's a different story. But being the loving boyfriend that I am, I made an attempt to get on board with the whole Harry Potter thing for the benefit of my girlfriend, it was not long before the Deathly Hallows movie was about to come out. I agreed to watch all the movies building up to it and find out who was who so that I wouldn't be completely lost when I took her to see the final movie. I wasn't completely bored but not completely enthralled either. There is no doubting they are good movies and have been done extremely well, but they are totally aimed at the Harry Potter geek. I'd go as far to say if you aren't Harry Potter obsessed, it's not going to be a pleasant viewing experience. I'm not a movie critic, but Daniel Radcliffe's acting is pretty cardboard. Never has someone got so lucky looking a bit like an illustration, it's painful to watch. He gets better as the movies go on, but there are some horrible cringe moments where you can see a lot of Daniel and not a lot of Harry.

The creators of the movie have almost put themselves in a win win situation, they already have a huge fan base salivating over the prospect of each new movie, they already have a storyline and people flocking to watch it despite knowing exactly how each one ends and all of them defend each shortcoming from the film to the hilt. No Harry Potter fan will hear a bad word against any of the movies. My girlfriend is one of the Harry Potter mega geeks and I have no problem with that, but when I went to watch the last film and came away disappointed that I'd only seen the first half (I genuinely didn't know it was in 2 parts), it was greeted with shock and amazement. What she and most Harry Potter fans don't understand is, I have no idea how it ends! For all I know Harry Potter wakes up and it was all a bad dream at the end of Part 2. I was gutted that after being gripped by what was admittedly a brilliant first part, I'd have to wait months to see how it ended. What sort of deluded movie watcher goes away happy about that?! Only a Harry Potter fan.

I've tried saying this to a group of her friends who are all just as obsessed, if you could see some of the reactions I get it's almost as if I've gone and slapped their grandmothers round the face with my knob. How dare I question the great J K Rowling and how her fine fiction has been depicted? What do I mean she is taking advantage of good, faithful Harry Potter fans? Of course the last book is too long to condense into a single movie, no way should there have been any sort of reward for going to see both movies at the cinema, of course you're going to buy the DVD box set afterwards. One of my girlfriends friends even said she was disappointed that they hadn't played the other SEVEN movies in the week or so leading upto Deathly Hallows Part 2! She would have gone to see them all, AGAIN! I don't know how you've done it J K, but in movie making terms you're essentially printing money. I dare say most Harry Potter fans will have said exactly the same and gone to every movie again before seeing the last half a film.

Sorry Harry Potter fans, but you're all mugs. What's worse is, you all seem to enjoy being mugs and won't hear otherwise. I think it's called ignorant bliss? I've tried to be reasonable with you, I've tried to subtly explain why I think you're being taken advantage of, but the only response I've had is gasps of horror and somehow it's me that is being stupid for not jumping on the bandwagon! I was asked if I would be going to Part 2 of the last film with my girlfriend, if I could remember what had happened in Part 1 I would of been tempted as I'm sure it's going to be epic. Maybe I should have gone to see Part 1 a couple of times to get in the real Potter spirit of things? If you haven't read each of the books 32 times over, going to see the films is pointless. Even my Harry Potter geek girlfriend will concede that there are parts to the films that don't make sense without having read the books. Bravo J K Rowling, you really can't lose here.

EDIT: A quick Google search tells me that out of the whole Harry Potter series of movies, not a single Oscar has been won. Surely not, after 10 years and 7 movies? Well it was never going to be for the acting, was it? Try argue with that one Hazza geeks.

The Marriage Ref

If you haven't had the pleasure of staying in on a Saturday night and looking at what ITV have to offer, you've missed out on The Marriage Ref. This programme is what appears to be filling the gap while Ant & Dec take a bit of a break, it involves couples having their jovial arguments judged by a panel of celebrities and is hosted by Dermot O'Leary. On first glance it's completely harmless fun and actually a pretty good watch when you throw the likes of Jimmy Carr in as a panelist. It takes a prime slot of 9pm.

Being restrained to the delights of Freeview since I moved house I've been subject to a lot of very poor TV. There have been times when all that's left is watching a bidding channel for the novelty of seeing a presenter somehow talk about the same dog bowl for 30 minutes. So seeing The Marriage Ref on our guide last night repeated on ITV2 from Saturday was quite a relief. I started to watch and geared myself up to see Dermot throw a few funny puns around ponder on why "Smiffy" (James Cordon) was sounding so well spoken.

Whether it was boredom, X-Factor withdrawal symptoms or just me being my usual over analytical self, I decided to look beyond the harmless fun at what this show is actually offering. I very quickly came to the conclusion that it's the worst programme to ever be broadcast, which if you're lucky enough to have to look at a TV guide every day for work you'd realise is quite a statement. As I was sat there last night watching this programme I wondered how on earth it had been commissioned and furthermore how they'd managed to convince Dermot to present it with a number of decent panelists. This in fact turns out to be the shows saving grace, had Bradley Walsh or Anton du Beke been thrust into Saturday night prime time presenting and not Dermot O'Leary this could of been absolute car crash television. Had the panel consisted of Anthony Costa or Christopher Biggins and not James Cordon or Jonathan Ross then I reckon OFCOM would have had a riot on their hands. Somehow, despite the worst format and show guests I've ever seen, this works.

I'd liken the couples to failed Big Brother applicants, they all try to pass themselves off as a bit wacky and there's an air of desperation about them that makes for pretty bad TV. They've obviously taken what's probably a small, funny argument between them and made it out to be something massive for the purpose of appearing on a TV show. When your husband of 50 years is obsessed with pickle, you can't stop your girlfriend purchasing reduced items from Tesco or your partner is obssesed with train spotting, do you really need Sarah Millican and Lorraine Kelly to settle things? Maybe this is just a vetting process for Jeremy Kyle? Do well on here, make a bit of a show and you might get an upgrade and we'll sort out your real problems.

If you can look beyond the tacky, cringeworthy early 90s-ish theme tune and graphics, the desperate to be famous couples and dreadful format, sit back and get ready for some of the best family entertainment ITV have to offer. While I'm not looking to be taught any life lessons of an evening, this idea was clearly bottom of a pile and was put together quicker than an Ikea foot stool. Luckily the names they've drafted in have made it half watchable.

The Fear Factor

Jamie Carragher has said today there is a certain fear factor involved when representing your nation which isn't present when representing your club side. Ignoring the fact this is the man who was too scared to fight for a place in the national team and only come back when our options ahead of him were injured, what right does he have to come out with such drivel? And since when is he allowed to speak on behalf of the national team? He shouldn't be anything to do with it, let alone providing excuses for any shortcomings at international level.

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that any player who turns their back on the national side at any level (I'm looking at you David Bentley), should no longer be called upon to represent us. Excuses of fatigue and not being in the first XI aren't worthy of turning your back on what can only be described as the greatest honour for any footballer. I don't care what Harry Redknapp has said about Champions League and the Premier League taking precedence, if you're a player who doesn't pull on a shirt every week with the aim of representing your country then you don't belong in our beautiful game. Playing for England is the epitome of the game.

Excusing any personal misdemeanors and concentrating solely on what Wayne Rooney does on the pitch and his attitude while there, I think the rest of our camp could take a leaf out of his book. When he was 16, he stormed onto the scene and played as if he was still kicking a ball around in the playground with jumpers for goalposts. Rooney has carried this attitude through playing for Everton, Manchester United and England. I can't see him ever turning his back on his country, nor providing feeble excuses like Carragher has. For further emphasis on this point, see David Beckham, probably the most chastised England player in history after "that" kick in 1998.

I've been looking within our development structures and coaching methods to try and find a reason why Carragher says we are playing with fear, but so far I haven't been able to come up with anything. This leads me to the conclusion that it is down to the man, not the pressure from the media or fans and that Carragher is in fact talking bollocks. If Wayne Rooney, David Beckham (more specifically his moment of redemption, single handedly dragging us through qualifying against Greece for 2002) and Steven Gerrard can seemingly play without this fear he talks about, who is he speaking for? Maybe he needs to look a bit closer to home to see who is really being affected by this "pressure".

If this is what is in the back of Carragher's mind when he walks onto the pitch, then this further re-iterates my point that when he retired and turned his back on his country, he should have stayed retired. The only reason he was selected for the 2010 World Cup squad was down to his versatility.

Further to this, Carragher was bored at the World Cup. Poor bloke was cooped up in a world class hotel with his every wish catered for. They had a thousand ways to stay entertained. Has he forgotten why we were there? I wish my job paid me what they paid him, let me have the summer off and still gave me the right to moan about being bored when my summer is interrupted every 4 years by probably the greatest stage I'll ever work on! I think I could handle sitting around in a plush hotel being waited on hand and foot as a 'sacrifice' for that opportunity. I'm pretty sure I could do my job to the best of my ability in such tiresome surroundings too, the odd stretch of boredom would probably pale into insignificance I'd hope.

If you were under so much scrutiny and that bored, why didn't you stay off for the summer like you originally said you would? You could of been doing something useful like going round and watering Wayne Rooney's plants. I didn't respect you when you first made yourself unavailable for England selection Carra', but I've gone from being mildly annoyed by your re-emergence into the setup to utter disdain.

Carra' should now be referred to as "Tweek" from South Park, who inexplicably thinks he is under pressure when he isn't.



"Argh that is way too much pressure!".

The Future of English Football

If Gareth Southgate is the man to revolutionise grass roots football in England, then I'm going to win Britain's Got Talent by turning up and shitting on the desk in front of Amanda Holden. I despair at what I've read today, it seems we've gone back 10 years in the plan for development of our young players. People have watched the Barcelona side (to coin a Gary Brabin phrase) "football to death" everyone they've come up against and filled their pants at the prospect of trying to come up with a plan to stop them. So instead of trying to beat them, it seems we're all going to join them. Who is going to beat Barcelona by trying to do what Barcelona do? Anyway, I'm getting away from my point...

Gareth Southgate has today come out and said about the "horror" of watching a kids 11 a side game where the kid lumps the ball forward from the back to great applause from parents. I ran an under 6's team through to under 8's around 5 years ago, back then we were hearing exactly the same things. I had to drop out from running this team, but learnt a lot through the coaching courses I took and the communication we used to receive from the F.A. All the courses then were directed at exactly what our "Head of Elite Development" has said today. What youth football has he been watching for the last 5 years?! I haven't seen any 11 a side games, unless there's been a drastic change I haven't heard about then kids football aren't allowed to move onto full size pitches with 11 players until they are 13 years old.

Something that Gareth Southgate does point out that I agree with is the pressure from parents. This is the single biggest problem with youth development in our game today. I attended a number of courses where all the emphasis was on as many touches on the ball as possible, encouraging a pass at the back rather than lumping it forward and all the other things which are quite key for the development of our youngsters. But where I think the issue is with our local youth football teams lies, is pressure. As crazy as it sounds, parents want to see their kid win more than they want to see them develop. The team I was at was quite lucky, there were none of the stereotypical pushy parents that are being referred to. But it makes me cringe to remember some of the parents from opposition teams who would be shrieking at their kids to "get it out of play" or go mad if they dared pass it backwards.

In my experience, this attitude of win at all costs spurns from parents who are wishing to live some success through their children. It's horrible to see, I'm all for encouraging and supporting your child but when it verges on desperation to see them win, the problems start. I have a fine example of this from my time in charge of a youth football team. We were playing a 'local rival', a lot of the kids from each team were friends and the team we were playing had a bit of a reputation for being the best. Bear in mind we are talking about a bunch of 6 and 7 year olds as this story goes on. A lot of our boys spent the weeks building up to the game worried, myself and our other coach kept emphasising it's just the same as any other game and that we were there to enjoy ourselves, win or lose. The game itself ended in a narrow loss for our boys, 3-2. We had a pretty special goalkeeper for his age, who despite being extremely talented would blame himself for any goals let in. When the opposing team scored their 3rd, he burst into tears and was distraught at himself for letting the team down. Myself and the other coach ran onto the pitch to console him, telling him to "keep his chin up", that we were very proud (which we were) of him and that he had let nobody down. He was inconsolable and as we were taking him off the pitch, a coach from the opposite side said "is he going to stop crying so we can get on with the game?". I turned and quietly said "you're talking to a 6 year old, just leave it". His reply was "I used to let loads of goals in as a kid, you didn't see me crying".

It would of been very easy at this point to lose my temper, this is exactly the attitude that needs stamping out. But I remember when I was a kid, my coach was my idol. What he said was gospel, more so than parents or teachers. It frightens me that we have people like this responsible for doing his own shoe laces up, let alone the development of our footballers. This guy is obviously making up for his own shortcomings in football through what were a very talented set of kids. It's this sort of attitude I've seen throughout youth football which I think is killing it. The coach from the opposite team had a very talented bunch of kids, but to prefer to see them win rather than string 10 passes together or demonstrate some skills is plain wrong when dealing with 6 and 7 year olds. To go as far as slating a 6 year old for crying, there's a lot I could say about this guy as a person as well as a coach.

I'm not one of these people that completely disagree with any form of competition, I think sports days where there are no winners or losers are a reason we are falling behind the likes of Australia and the USA in sports development. But the "winning" in youth football needs to be seeing a kid progress into an academy and hopefully into the professional game. People need to ask themselves why they are getting involved, if you're a coach and you're there to eradicate some bad memories you had as a child or for personal glory, you shouldn't be anywhere near the game of football in my opinion.

We used to set tasks for our boys on match day to try and turn the match experience into more of a training game. We'd say "we want everyone to attempt one trick" or "there will be a prize for everyone if at any point you complete 10 passes". Without wanting to blow our own trumpet, we had a scout from Ipswich who would regularly come to our games and praise our approach to the game. What we were doing wasn't exactly rocket science, anyone who can see past the end of their nose can see if we encourage technique and composure on the ball from day 1 of a footballers development, we'll have players who are more comfortable in possession at the end of a production line. This is why I've despaired and worry that we are going backwards in the development of our players today, we've been saying the same thing for what must be 10 years now and there's been no action.

The key to your success as our head of elite development will be to tackle the attitudes, small sided games and telling our coaches to encourage passing over hoofing are not the answer Mr. Southgate. I fear you've come into a role that you are out of your depth with and are telling us what we want to hear. Trevor Brooking seemed to set the wheels in motion for what looked like a good blue print to drag our game out of the doldrums. Please don't mess it up, we have a thirst for football in this country like no other. Harness that and find our coaches that are encouraging good football, find the clubs that have the backing of parents and only hand out charter standard status when you know you've got everyone on board in this philosophy. As with the Respect campaign, draw up a document that EVERYONE involved in a club must sign. Parents, coaches, players, chairmen, get all their names signed on a document that says we are here to develop young footballers, not win trophies. Winning games will come as a result of development, it might be a longer path to get there, but it's in the long term interests of our club and national game. Hold evenings with each league, compulsory attendance with emphasis on development and kicking this sort of attitude out of our game. Don't give any funding to anyone who won't adhere to this, hit clubs where it hurts and make it so that the only opportunities within football for our young, enthusiastic players are with clubs who want to make the next generation of England players. Not the ones who encourage "if in doubt kick it out" or play the big clogger of a player over a smaller technically gifted player.

So basically, thanks Mr. Southgate, for sweet F.A and telling us what we've been told for years. Now go do something about it.

Tweet Twats

Does anyone else get really annoyed on Twitter when they see a celebrity re-tweet something along the lines of "Hi Andy Peters, please RT this for my friends son who is dying in hospital". As sympathetic as I am to anyone who has a loved one in any sort of horrible situation, I can't help but think why are you using Twitter and enlisting celebs to 'help' in the form of retweeting? Who is this benefiting from this apart from the person who got a retweet and their ego?

Surely when a loved one or someone you know isn't in a good way, things such as Twitter and celebrity all fall into complete insignificance? I know it would for me. If anyone I know finds themselves in any sort of situation, what the frick is asking that retired footballer or local radio DJ to re-tweet it going to do to help? If you're after some sort of charity donation and a celeb with far more exposure than you'll ever have gets the message out there for you, fair enough. But how on earth does knowing that the celeb has read your tweet and taken a second to hit the retweet button do to help?

For me, these people are selfish. They are using their 'situation' to gain a bit of recognition and after that feeling that you're almost slightly famous for a second. It's a bit twisted. I love seeing a bit of Jeremy Kyle style drama on my social networking, there's nothing better than seeing someone break up in a relationship on Facebook or seeing a status or tweet clearly aimed at someone calling them a slag! But to pull at the heartstrings just in order to be seen - sick and wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not an anti-celeb sorta person and have reveled in the moments where any sort of celebrity has sent me a tweet. So much so that I kept a list! I long for the day Katy Perry responds to my offer of a night out, but in my defence I'm asking these people actual questions or just having a bit of fun.

The moral of the story - if you're a celeb and I see you re-tweet one of these numb nut requests I'm going to unfollow you (quite a threat I know, ask Jack Wilshere of Arsenal and England fame). If you're one of these idiots that has someone close who isn't in a good way, here's an idea... go and actually help them and be with them, see what they want that will help! Put down the social media and be with the one that needs your help.

A classic case of causing unnecessary trouble.

Blogging 'Ell

I've decided to start a blog. I like a good rant and all other the social media is very restrictive when you've got a point to get across! So this has what has brought me here. I've been thinking about starting one for a while and today have finally taken the plunge.

Before I started, I was trying to decide whether it would be a gloves off, pull no punches type of blog where I really lay into my chosen subject, or a don't mind my mum seeing sorta thing with no naughty words. I've gone with the former, if I'm going to do this I might as well do it properly. If I've got something to say and this is the platform I'm going to use to say it, then it would be half hearted to tone it down. And frankly, of no interest to anyone.

I'm not generally a grumpy person, so don't expect any sort of "I hate life" type posts or anger at the world in general. I'd say I'm very happy go lucky, but hopefully I'll raise a smile by giving my opinion on the things I enjoy and the things around me. A lack of common sense and stupidity is my biggest pet hate, I'll be looking to vent here on all occasions I come across either of these!

My original idea was to solely blog some of the ridiculous comments I hear from private school kids on the train when I'm on my way to work, for example this morning I heard a kid say "My brother went to school in Shepreth, it's so embarrassing,". I hear comments as tragic as this on a daily basis from private school kids and find myself so disillusioned with how detached they are from the real world. So expect plenty of quotes and ramblings on what private education is doing to kids as I hear more nonsense on the train each day!

Hopefully this has given you a good idea of what's to come, I'll keep this place updated so head back if you like what you see. If you don't, then rather than moan about it, don't come back!

Oh... the name. I've called the blog "Unnecessary Trouble". Some of you may recognise this as a song by Hard Fi on their Stars of CCTV album. This is my favourite album and the line "just make sure you cause trouble when it's necessary" I think is rather apt in life. That and I couldn't come up with anything witty of my own. I'm likely to quote this on occasion, so hopefully this has brought you up to speed.

TTFN (That's ta ta for now)