Seven Dwarves - Hi Ho Hi Ho

A couple of weeks ago the Channel 4 standard "we'll pretend we're doing a documentry to highlight the plight of *insert disadvantaged group here* but actually we're just putting on a bit of a freak show" programme came to town in the form of Seven Dwarves. It's in a similar vain to My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, more giving people a look at a world they are fascinated with but would never get to see otherwise. As ever, it is advertised as an insightful documentry in which you get to follow the lives of seven dwarfs (where did they come up with the name to the show?) who are part of the Snow White panto in Woking. They all live in a house for the panto season and over the series of 7 shows we get to find out more about each of the little people. Again, you can really see the compassion Channel 4 have for these guys, putting them in a Big Brother style house with their drunken antics and frolicking recorded.

For the record, I have absolutely zero issue with this freak show. As long as the guys aren't being exploited in any way their naivity to this isn't our problem! I'm sure they are being well compensated. People have a fascination with dwarfs, they can't go around town and do daily tasks without staring and ridicule. It fascinates me how they go about their daily lives and watching them move and talk, not to the extent that I would follow them around town but it makes for fantastic television. What I do have an issue with, is Channel 4 pretending it's some sort of dwarf supporting organisation! The opening credits to the show sum it up, it's got the little guys with their funny run going up the stairs, one of the dwarfs in a nightclub doing a bit of dry humping with an average size lady and his girlfriend sticking her minuscule middle finger up at him screeching "faaark orrrf!". To pretend this was made for anything but the comedy factor and to dress it up as sympathetic to their issues is just plain wrong. Why not just get them dressed up as Oompa Loompas and paint them orange? Oh wait, they did that in episode one with Josh...

Twitter participation is fully encouraged with the Seven Dwarves hashtag (#sevendwarves) shown at every opportunity, I followed a lot of the discussion on last nights show which followed Britain's only dwarf drag queen, Jamie John. Strangely enough, Jamie enlightened us that work is hard to come by for a drag queen dwarf in Norfolk where he lives. Competition too stiff? A majority of the comments were very supportive, complimentary and full of praise for the dwarfs. There was the odd joke, my favourite being "hey look he's got an iPad... oh wait it's an iPhone". A few of them have Twitter accounts and were lapping all this up, going through their tweets they are no different to your average, fame hungry Big Brother applicant. They all seem to want to use their unique height as a way into showbiz and shamelessly so. Fair play I say, if it gets you ahead of the game and you're prepared to take the stick that comes with it then chase the dream!

I can't help but think they are quite naive though, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, they seem to think it's their talent that's getting them where they are not the fascination with their size. Jamie, the drag queen who was on last night, told of his yearning to work in the west end in London. The end of the show informed us he had managed to get a residence at a club in Stoke. His voice as showcased at the holiday park he worked in before securing the gig in Stoke really proved it's all about the dwarf factor, he was distinctly average to put it kindly. Secondly, they don't seem to be able to distinguish between being made fun of and compliments. A number of the tweets they were retweeting were obviously a piss take. A typical example was to the little lady Laura, who retweeted a number of tweets with content such as "my mate @joebloggs thinks you're really fit can you RT? lol". No disrespect to these guys, but unless it's some sort of weird fetish, you aren't very fanciable. You have weird shaped faces and are 4ft tall!

Anyway, if you need me on a Tuesday night for the next few weeks at 9pm - you'll find me on the sofa! I'm loving every minute so far and the relationship between Max and Karen is a particular highlight. Also I can't help but think a gay dwarf who has gone into drag Jamie has missed a trick by not taking up porn, surely the possibilities there would have been endless. Max, Karen, Craig,  Ryan, Jamie, Josh and Laura - keep up the good work guys. I hope it all ends well for you all. Just don't kid yourselves into thinking Channel 4 have got your back! Laura in particular wasn't pleased at Channel 4 zooming in on her thong last night.

Just for good measure - an old dwarf joke:

A woman is driving down a street and accidentally drives into the back of another car. The car isn't in a good way and out steps a dwarf. "I am not happy!" says the dwarf. "Which one are you then?" replies the woman.

Bah dum tsch.